Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point
"I get that we should forgive, but it just feels unfair. What happened was wrong and they just don’t deserve my forgiveness. Besides, am I just supposed to forget it all ever happened?”

Talking Point

Let's be honest, forgiveness is hard. It is so fraught with complexities and requires us to face our hurt and pain head on. And this is precisely why choosing to forgive can feel so unfair. The hurt and pain is our proof that what happened felt wrong.

Often the thought in the back of our mind is ‘Forgive? Why should I?’ Yet we also seem to recognise, deep down, that it's the right thing to do. After all forgiveness is mentioned 40 times in the New Testament alone. And it really is good for you: studies have shown that practicing forgiveness decreases anger, anxiety, and depression and increases self-esteem and hopefulness for the future.

The tension points in forgiveness are often related to myths – misconceptions in our beliefs or understanding of forgiveness. Although acknowledging these and reading the biblical truths won’t necessarily make the path a smooth one, it can help us journey towards choosing to forgive.

MYTH: To forgive means to forget

The premise of this myth is that forgiveness means that we simply pretend or deny that something ever happened, but this is not the case. To forgive means to go through a process of fully acknowledging the impact of what happened. Part of this process is inviting Father God/Jesus/Holy Spirit to share His perspective and how He desires to heal you and exchange the current thoughts and feelings with His own Truths and promises – these are the things that can be remembered instead.

MYTH: I can only forgive if the offender deserves forgiveness or apologises.

This myth assumes that forgiveness is something that needs to be earned. This is not true. It may validate our pain to hear someone say sorry or work hard to earn back trust, but this should never be a condition for your forgiveness – this positions ourselves as the judge. Releasing forgiveness, whether the offender deserves it or not, positions God as the judge over the offender and the healer of our hurt.

MYTH: I will be ready to forgive when I feel the hurt has passed.

The premise of this myth assumes that forgiveness itself is a feeling. After all, it’s not uncommon to hear the phrase ‘to be in a forgiving mood'. But forgiveness is not a feeling, it is an action. Because of this we can release forgiveness, despite how we feel, as an act of our own will in a determined effort to pursue our own healing. It won’t always feel fair and it won’t feel easy – but it is right and it is good.

Truth to Ponder

Choosing to forgive is one of the most powerful keys to unlocking healing because it not only unlocks us from any beliefs that formed as a result of our hurt, but it is also a key to deepening our relationship with God from whom we can receive lasting healing from the hurt.

““And whenever you stand praying, if you find that you carry something in your heart against another person, release him and forgive him so that your Father in heaven will also release you and forgive you of your faults.””

— (Mark 11:25, TPT)

Here is a question you could ask:

“Father God/Jesus/Holy Spirit, will you show me how any of these myths have hindered my forgiveness?”