Faith & When Forgiveness Feels Unfair.

Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point
"I get that we should forgive, but it just feels unfair. What happened was wrong and they just don’t deserve my forgiveness. Besides, am I just supposed to forget it all ever happened?”

Talking Point 

Let's be honest, forgiveness is hard. It is so fraught with complexities and requires us to face our hurt and pain head on. And this is precisely why choosing to forgive can feel so unfair. The hurt and pain is our proof that what happened felt wrong. 
 
Often the thought in the back of our mind is ‘Forgive? Why should I?’ Yet we also seem to recognise, deep down, that it's the right thing to do. After all forgiveness is mentioned 40 times in the New Testament alone. And it really is good for you: studies have shown that practicing forgiveness decreases anger, anxiety, and depression and increases self-esteem and hopefulness for the future.
 
The tension points in forgiveness are often related to myths – misconceptions in our beliefs or understanding of forgiveness. Although acknowledging these and reading the biblical truths won’t necessarily make the path a smooth one, it can help us journey towards choosing to forgive.

MYTH: To forgive means to forget

The premise of this myth is that forgiveness means that we simply pretend or deny that something ever happened, but this is not the case. To forgive means to go through a process of fully acknowledging the impact of what happened. Part of this process is inviting Father God/Jesus/Holy Spirit to share His perspective and how He desires to heal you and exchange the current thoughts and feelings with His own Truths and promises – these are the things that can be remembered instead.

MYTH: I can only forgive if the offender deserves forgiveness or apologises.

This myth assumes that forgiveness is something that needs to be earned. This is not true. It may validate our pain to hear someone say sorry or work hard to earn back trust, but this should never be a condition for your forgiveness – this positions ourselves as the judge. Releasing forgiveness, whether the offender deserves it or not, positions God as the judge over the offender and the healer of our hurt.

MYTH: I will be ready to forgive when I feel the hurt has passed.

The premise of this myth assumes that forgiveness itself is a feeling. After all, it’s not uncommon to hear the phrase ‘to be in a forgiving mood'. But forgiveness is not a feeling, it is an action. Because of this we can release forgiveness, despite how we feel, as an act of our own will in a determined effort to pursue our own healing. It won’t always feel fair and it won’t feel easy – but it is right and it is good.

Truth to Ponder 

Choosing to forgive is one of the most powerful keys to unlocking healing because it not only unlocks us from any beliefs that formed as a result of our hurt, but it is also a key to deepening our relationship with God from whom we can receive lasting healing from the hurt.

““And whenever you stand praying, if you find that you carry something in your heart against another person, release him and forgive him so that your Father in heaven will also release you and forgive you of your faults.””

— (Mark 11:25, TPT)

Here is a question you could ask:

“Father God/Jesus/Holy Spirit, will you show me how any of these myths have hindered my forgiveness?”

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Faith & Trusting God (when I have trust issues)

Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point 

“I’m so tired of the Christian response to just ‘trust’ God. It’s not that easy! I don’t know how to trust – for me, trust has always led to feeling disappointed, or worse.”

Talking Point

Think about all the other relationships in your life. How many people do you trust implicitly? And what have you been through to get to that level of trust? When you think about it like that, choosing to trust God, a God that we can’t necessarily see or touch or have coffee with, can feel like a dangerous tightrope at times. Yes, we know He is good but trusting God can’t just be something we say. Trust always means putting skin in the game.
 
When we ask ‘Can I trust God?’ we are actually asking two questions. First: Is God trustworthy? Of course, as Christians, we know He is—this is an absolute Truth. But the second question is where it gets personal: Can I can trust God? As in, do I have what it takes to believe this absolute Truth?

Acknowledging what we bring to the relationship

In all of our other relationships, trust requires something from us. So why do we treat our relationship with God any differently? We can sometimes expect intimacy to come from religious devotion… as if just acknowledging that He is God is enough for us to throw ourselves into trusting Him as if we have never been hurt or let down before. But just like any other relationship, we still bring our relational baggage, our trust issues, our defence mechanisms and our fears of intimacy to it.
 
Think about the 'Trust Fall' exercise: that awkward exercise where one person falls blindly into the arms of another, relying on the integrity, strength and ability of that person to catch them. Even if you know the person waiting behind you, it can feel uncomfortable. This discomfort is a reflection of the internal vows and misconceptions about trust and the risk of getting hurt, looking stupid, being judged, or being betrayed.

The sad reality is that even if we are entirely safe with the person ready to catch us, these internal vows and misconceptions can make us feel like we are being sprung back, like being tied to an elastic cord, to those times we trusted someone and were let down, made to look foolish, misrepresented, abandoned, (insert your experience here!)

So, we hold something back to protect ourselves: a ‘prudent mistrust’, just in case. But this limits us. 

Truth to Ponder 

Getting to know God is the foundation of trusting Him. The simple truth is that without getting to know Him, our ability to trust Him is limited. But we also need to get to know ourselves so that we can identify the cords that hold us back from trusting God more freely.

Ready to go on that journey?! It can be hard, but trust us (pun intended), it's worth it...

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Want to learn more about this topic?

Click here to discover Keys to Freedom!

Faith & The Voice (of God) in My Head (or not)

Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point

"I'm not sure I have ever heard the voice of God in the way others seem to. I cry out in prayer and wait… but He feels so silent"

Talking Point

Have you ever cried out in prayer and waited, desperately, for that ‘voice of God’ that other Christians seem to talk about? We strain our ears hoping to hear words that will bring us peace, reassurance, direction, comfort, answers… And when we are met with silence, we can feel let down, abandoned and disillusioned.

But, does ‘hearing’ actually mean ‘hearing’?

Think about it, when you recall a number such as a phone number, how do you do it? Do you ‘hear’ the number in your head or the corresponding sound of the beeps? Or, instead, do you see the numbers, recall how you wrote them down, or remember the pattern your fingers make as you enter them?

We all receive, recall and process information differently…

Which means we learn and understand according to these different styles. The danger and resulting tension of only talking about ‘hearing’ God can be that we limit the way we might connect with Him. It’s the equivalent of only ever communicating by talking - imagine no written word; no sign language; no poetry; no art; no music; no dance.

Recognising how God might connect with us through our natural senses, is a good start in sharpening our sensitivity to Him and strengthening our confidence in receiving from Him. We can all grow in the gift of seeing, hearing and feeling God’s presence through practice, in the same way that spending time with someone makes it easier to recognise them in ways that are unique to your relationship with them.

Truth to Ponder 

The Truth is that God is everywhere, communicating to us through our senses, through His Word, through creation. These are the ways in which we may receive from God through our senses:

We May See Him
We may recognise Him speaking to us through our imagination, through visions and dreams or through supernatural encounters with Him, as if with our natural eyes. The Word of God documents many times where God engages with us this way.
(Acts 2:17) 

We May Hear Him
We may recognise Him speaking to us through a song, through sound or through a spirit to spirit conversation with Him, or we may even hear the audible sound of His Voice. 
(John 10:27)

We may FEEL Him
We may sense a shift in the atmosphere, or even in our own body, as a feeling of peace or warmth. We may also feel Him through a strong sense of conviction or a sense of ‘knowing’ which again, brings peace and directs our steps.
(Thessalonians 3:5)

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The Big Christian Mental Health Campaign

We want to do our part to help break the taboo, remove the stigma, and normalise Christ-centered mental health and wellbeing support.

Faith & Mindfulness

Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point

“I hear about the benefits of mindfulness to my mental health but as a Christian, I don’t want practices of good mental health to replace practices of my faith, such as prayer. How can I be sure mindfulness is okay for me and won’t lead me down the wrong path?”

Talking Point

The practice of mindfulness has gained considerable attention as a technique for managing stress and enhancing mental wellbeing. But what exactly is mindfulness, and how does it align with our Christian faith?

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness, in its essence, involves deliberately focusing one's attention on the present moment, free from the distractions of incessant thoughts that often clutter the mind. Mindfulness entails quietening the mental "noise" to become more self-aware and attuned to the present moment's thoughts, feelings, and sensations. It can be part of our everyday activities or a discipline of intentionally setting time and space aside, like meditation or contemplative prayer.

Horizontal vs Vertical

Mindfulness, without Jesus at the centre, inevitably puts the self at the centre. When this happens, mindfulness becomes a self-centred, horizontal practice; connecting to our needs or emotions in the context of our immediate environment or circumstance. 

As Christians, we may be sceptical about mindfulness because of this, but when integrated with biblical principles, mindfulness can become a transformative practice that deepens our awareness of God and our relationship with Him. When we are mindful of God in the present moment and we acknowledge and welcome His presence, His peace and His voice, our mindfulness becomes vertical - connecting to our needs and emotions in the context of our relationship with God.

Truth to Ponder

So, how can we practise Christian mindfulness in a way that aligns with our faith? Here are some practical tips:

• Start with prayer: Begin each mindfulness practice with prayer, inviting God's presence into the moment. Ask for His guidance in focusing your thoughts and opening your heart to His Presence.

• Ground yourself in Scripture: Incorporate passages of Scripture into your mindfulness practice. Choose verses that resonate with you and reflect on their meaning.

• Focus on gratitude: Cultivate an attitude of gratitude by reflecting on God's blessings in your life. Take time to acknowledge and give thanks for the gifts, both big and small, that God has provided.

• Practice breath awareness: Use your breath as an anchor to the present moment. Take slow, deep breaths.

• Embrace silence: In a world filled with noise and distractions, make space for silence in your life. Set aside time each day to retreat into solitude and silence, allowing yourself to quiet your mind and listen for God's voice.

• Stay present in daily activities: Practise mindfulness in everyday tasks by bringing your full attention to each moment. Whether you're eating, walking, or spending time with loved ones, be fully present and engaged in the experience.

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The Big Christian Mental Health Campaign

We want to do our part to help break the taboo, remove the stigma, and normalise Christ-centered mental health and wellbeing support.

Faith & Asking For Help

Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point

“I struggle to reach out for help. I feel like I SHOULD be able to cope on my own if I have Jesus. He’s all I need. Right?! But the truth is I’m floundering.”

Talking Point

I (Bryn, hello!) was once on holiday with twin nine month old babies. We went down to the buffet restaurant for dinner. We had three other children as well, so my wife queued up with them while I took the twins to find a table.

High chairs were scarce, but I eventually spotted two in the corner. I rushed over and attempted to carry them, as well as the twins, back to our table. So with both twins under one arm, and both highchairs in the other, I huffed and puffed my way towards the table.

Someone immediately jumped up and offered to help. But I smiled and said ‘no, I’m fine’ and struggled on. People gasped. It didn’t look safe and probably wasn’t! At one point I almost dropped them. Eventually one of the staff came over and insisted: ‘no no, let me help’. When he took the highchairs out of my hand, I was immediately relieved.

So what stopped me saying yes the first time?! Pride? A determination to show the world (or maybe myself) I could handle this on my own? I pondered this for the rest of my holiday, with a twinge of embarrassment as to why I attempted to persevere when it was so obvious I needed help.

Have you been struggling in the shadows?

There are times in our lives where we do the very same thing. We lift, and heave and try because we think we are navigating these challenges alone. We believe that the weight we are lifting is our burden to carry (or maybe ours and God's) and we don't want to bother anyone else with them. So, for multiple reasons, we feel too ashamed, embarrassed, prideful or mistrusting to reach out or accept help when it's offered.

What about you, have you been struggling in the shadows? What's stopping you from accepting (or asking for) help?

Truth to Ponder

In Ephesians 6 in The Message version of the bible it says this:

“Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.”

God didn’t design us to carry our burdens alone.

God has given us tools and weapons to help whatever battles we are fighting, and sometimes those tools and weapons are the people around us: the people God has put in our path to journey with us.

Proverbs 17:17 says "A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need." If God has put friends in your path, He's put them there for times such as this.

Faith & Fear

Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point

"I often feel afraid. And the more I’m aware of my fear, the worse I feel because I know I should 'do better' and 'just have faith'. Which makes me feel like a failing Christian, and so the cycle continues."

Talking Point

The word 'Fear' seems to have been placed in direct opposition to the word ‘Faith’ for such a long time. After all, the phrase ‘do not fear!’ is mentioned a whopping 365 times in the Bible. So it’s easy to think that we shouldn’t be afraid and that God would be displeased if we were. But what if that phrase ‘do not fear’ is actually an invitation and an insight into the nurturing heart of God rather than a berating command?

Let’s just take a little pause here to recognise and honour the important role that fear plays. It is fear that signals us to prepare for danger and to take caution around things that can harm us. It often keeps us safe. Of course, we all have times where we recognise that our fear isn’t actually helping us, but if we can allow our perspective to shift, maybe we can give space for that fear to shift too... just not by force. 

Because what if God’s gentle whisper of ‘Do not fear’ is heard as ‘Do not worry, it’s OK, I’m here’ – a gentle parent’s calming tone to a fearful child needing reassurance, rather than ‘stop being scared'?

Truth to Ponder

My 6yr old is terrified of spiders. The whole house knows when she’s spotted one by her scream. But as I calmly undertake the spider-removal process, with her clung to my side, a transformation starts to take place: her fear seems to ease just by being in the presence of someone who’s not scared.

Could it be that God is not asking you to betray your own emotional responses ("Abi don’t be silly, don’t be daft etc"), but instead to notice how he responds in the same situation ("Look Abi, I’m not scared of it – I know it can’t hurt me... its legs are tickly!") and let your nervous system start to receive safety cues from him?

Thinking like this can help us reframe the story of Jesus sleeping in the boat (Matthew 8:23-27) with the terrified disciples in the storm. What if Jesus’ sleep on that terrifying journey was intentional; a way of showing his disciples it’s possible to be peaceful in a dangerous situation. I often say to my daughter when she’s recovering after a meltdown ‘you can borrow my calm.’ I wonder if Jesus was doing the same?

Maybe it’s only when we’re able to view God as that compassionate loving parent, that we can start to see that some of the things we might fear might not actually need that reaction. It’s ironic, isn’t it, that the more we punish ourselves for feeling fear, the further away God can feel and the scarier life is! But that’s not his intention – he wants to walk with us through the storm, to be a constant peaceful presence in our world, to give us his calm.

Faith & Anxiety

Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point

"I’m told that anxiety isn’t part of how we were designed to live, but I still have it and God’s not healing it."

Talking Point

Many of us live with or have experienced anxiety in our lives. Anxiety can be mild or it can be crippling, isolating us from everything and everyone.

Our experience of life can often leave us feeling on edge and always prepared for what might happen, particularly if stressful situations as a child have left your nervous system on high alert. Not only that, but with today’s media and social networks we are constantly surrounded by heartbreaking stories, extreme opinions and challenging perspectives from across the whole world. It’s no wonder that our inbuilt detector for risk is on high alert so intensively and often in such extreme ways.

If you have seen the recent Inside Out 2 film (which is great!), you’ll know that anxiety can be useful. It helps us prepare for a test, it motivates us to get ready for a job interview. In essence, anxiety is our inbuilt way of scanning the horizon for threats and clues as to how we can respond to them.

Whilst we may know this, we also have times when we know our anxiety is not doing us any favours and is in direct opposition of living freely. We believe God can heal, so why doesn’t he just take it away?

 Truth to Ponder

It can be frustrating and demoralising when we don’t experience healing quickly, despite our best prayer efforts. But if we are seeking healing from anxiety, maybe there is a longer process he wants to take us through? A process of establishing safety within us, of building us up from the inside out, of strengthening us. Maybe the healing many of us long for is actually the long-term healing, the re-establishment of safety and calming of your nervous system. 

Safety is so important to God. Consider how often God is described in the Bible as a rock, a place of safety, a dwelling place of refuge, a high tower, a cleft in the rock…the list goes on and on!

“ In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.”

— Psalm 4:8

If we rush ahead with the expectation of having it taken away, is there a risk that we might miss out on the absolute bedrock of relationship with God? That he tenderly cares for us and that we can trust him to do so, to take us through the process himself?

Faith & the Wilderness

Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point

"I feel like I’ve been out in the wilderness when it comes to faith for so long. I wonder if it will ever change?"

Talking Point

Have you ever felt ‘lost in the wilderness’ when it comes to your faith? Do you have a sense of wandering, lostness, a lack of direction or feeling like you aren’t in the place you thought you’d be on your faith journey?

Often, when life is going well and we feel good, we can sense that God is close and our relationship with him is in a good place. But when life is tough, we can feel as if God isn’t as close or that our relationship with him isn’t quite as healthy as we thought it was. 

We may be deeply grieving or coming face-to-face with past trauma. We might have felt on the outskirts of church community or been re-assessing some of our core beliefs. Or maybe we’ve always experienced that wilderness sensation ever since deciding to follow Jesus. Whatever the reason, it can feel lonely, particularly if we can reference times in the past when we have experienced being ‘close’ to God, enjoying fellowship with other believers. 

We often link faith with a sense of being found, known, held, seen and in the right place. But when life gets heavy or we’re hurting, there follows a sense of not being as close to God as the doubts, waves of anger and mistrust seep in. This can feel so disconcerting.

Truth to Ponder

Isn’t it interesting that much of Jesus’ teaching to the people he loves focuses on those who are lost, scattered or hiding? The lost sheep (Luke 15) already belonged to him – it was part of his fold – and yet the sheep still got lost in the wilderness. 

Of course, we refer to being ‘lost’ as not having yet found Jesus, but maybe feeling lost can also embrace the everyday, the highs and lows and daily grind. Jesus says ‘It’s not the healthy that need a doctor but the sick’ (Mark 2:17) And yes, this is in relation to the sickness of sin… but let’s not forget that he was also talking to people who had been cast down socially and spiritually. 

Being ‘lost’ is the acknowledgement that we cannot navigate this life alone, the very need we have to belong to God is the essence of faith. We don’t just need to be ‘found’ once at the beginning of our salvation story, but throughout our lives, in moments of feeling misunderstood, hurting or hiding. Whenever we are ‘lost’ God is right there. He offers us his kindness and compassionate care to re-centre us and meet with us.

Next Steps...? 

Notice what you are experiencing and ask yourself- do I know why I feel distant and lost? Awareness can be the first step in acknowledging what is happening and what you want to be different. 

Why not talk to someone you can trust about what you are experiencing, either a friend or a counsellor or therapist who can help you make sense of your experience in a non-judgemental space. 

Can you show yourself compassion as you daily acknowledge your lostness, and allow yourself to imagine being found by God with kindness and care? (Notice if you find this concept of a gentle God foreign, you may want to address this in further depth, perhaps with a counsellor).

Sometimes this experience can derive from the belief deep inside that God either doesn’t want us close, or will reject us, so we feel safer in the wilderness. These beliefs are valid and it can take some time to unpack the hold they have over us. Exploring this with a professional or one of our facilitators on the Freedom Course can be beneficial.