Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point

"I’ve just received news that is absolutely devastating. But when I talk to other Christians about it, I don’t feel comfortable talking about how disappointed I am."

Talking Point

Let's start with a definition. Disappointment is“the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the defeat of one's hopes or expectations”. And my goodness, doesn’t life have a lot of potential for our hopes and expectations being dashed?! Jobs we don’t get, unwanted bills we do get. Friends and family that let us down and dreams that blow up.

So when disappointment comes knocking, and enters our world uninvited, what do we do? As Christians, are we in danger of being too quick to escape this unwanted feeling?

It might sound like an odd question. After all, no one wants to stay feeling disappointed for longer than necessary. Which is why we can be so quick to say things like: “this door has closed, but it’s ok, God will open another”, both to ourselves and to others. And while there is truth in that, are we risking something by trying to jump over disappointment rather than journeying through it?

In his book 'Management of Disappointment', author Abraham Zaleznik says that two things are required to deal with disappointment in a healthy way: 1) we need to be aware and understand our emotional reactions and 2) we need to face the disappointment directly. Are we doing this if we try and bypass our emotions and declare God's promises, no matter how true they are?

How do we face our disappointment head on and deal with it healthily and faithfully?

Truth to Ponder

Here are some really practical ways (four Gs!) to disable the power of disappointment:

Grieve
Let yourself be sad, process your disappointment in a way that’s helpful to you. Journal it, talk to someone you trust about it. Cry, be selfish and ungrateful and immature without justifying it or apologising for it or trying to tidy it up. Just let what you are disappointed about have its voice. Be it a day or a week, give yourself the time you need to feel it. But, put a timescale on it. Don’t let it linger. Rein it back in and then start bringing some direction to your feelings.

Gratitude
Deliberately bring to mind some things you are grateful for. Friends, family, loved ones, a job, breath in your body, a roof over your head, a sunny day. We all have things to be grateful for. Speak them out, thank God for them. Write a list and stick it on your fridge, on your kettle, in your downstairs toilet, wherever!

Generosity
Be generous. Make your life about more than you. Give someone a smile for no reason, give to charity, sponsor a friend’s fundraising event, go through your wardrobe and give stuff away to a charity shop. Leave a kind comment on someone’s facebook post, give a compliment to a stranger. Give time to go and help your neighbour clear his garden or collect their wheelie bin. Just doing something, anything, to direct your attention away from yourself is good for you. Disappointment doesn’t thrive in the arena of generosity towards others.

God
If you know God, then make this number one. Start there. Start with pouring out your heart to Him. Let Him bring comfort where it hurts, speak hope where hope seems lost. Worship Him, lift your eyes from the unmet desires and hopes surrounding you to the eternal perspective of the One who holds you, has gone before you and knows the end from the beginning. Your disappointments will disperse like wisps of smoke in the presence of His love, His Goodness and His Mercy. And if you don’t know God, then start there. Get to know Him. Invite Him in. Disappointment doesn’t stand a chance in the presence of the very essence of Hope.